Triggered

​by Terry Magness

I thought I heard a faint thud against the windowed door to our backyard. Sure enough, there lay a Ruby-Throated Hummingbird, his tiny iridescent body involuntarily swaying back and forth on the step. I recognized the signs—it was a head injury. ​

Gently picking up the helpless creature and nestling him securely in my palm, I carried him into the house; all the while, his body continued rhythmically rocking in my hand.

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I visually searched the kitchen counters until I found a small, red bottle lid. I washed and filled it with previously prepared sweet nectar and set the make-shift feeder in my hand next to the injured bird’s head. Stretching out his long tongue, he quickly drained the cap of its nectar. My heart soared. Then suddenly, the little bird quaked violently, and abruptly, lay motionless in my hand. 
 
This tiny acrobat of the skies, a skillful warrior known for speed, acuity, and strength, and surely one of God’s most fascinating creations—was dead—and I was unable to save him! 
 
A torrent of tears ran down my cheeks, and I wondered why this had hit me so hard. 
I was triggered! 
 
Recently and unexpectedly, I viewed a video documentary of a father and son—Dick and Rick Hoyt. Rick was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, cutting off oxygen supply to his brain, rendering him a quadriplegic with cerebral palsy, and unable to talk. 
 
His father wanted to run a marathon and hit on the idea of entering his adult son in the race with him. After months of training, they entered the race. Dick peddled the bicycle, with Rick strapped into a specially designed seat attached to the front. It was a glorious experience for the duo, especially for Rick. So, after this race, they chose to continue running others. 
 
One day, using a communication device, Rick told his dad, “The only time I do not feel handicapped is when I am running.” 
 
The two men have completed well over 1,130 endurance events, including over two hundred triathlon events. As a result, the authorities inducted the Hoyts into the Ironman Hall of Fame and the Triathlon Hall of Fame. 
 
I could see this father’s love for his son--his tireless strength, energy, and endurance stretched to the limits to carry, push, pull, and make sure that they both would finish each endurance test together. Dick longed to ensure his son had a sense of belonging and purpose, knew his value, knew what it feels like to succeed and to experience victory and freedom. As I watched, I felt my heart shredding into pieces—the pain was unbearable. The lump in my throat choked me, and my tears seemed endless. 
 
Again, I was triggered! 
 
You see, years ago we found my little sister at age twelve, four and a half years my junior, lying unconscious in the pasture. One side of her body was moving involuntarily. Toni had been a beautiful girl with long blond hair, blue eyes, was quite gifted intellectually, and could sing like an angel. She had taken an unscheduled ride on her horse, Queen. For an unknown reason, her horse stopped abruptly sending Toni flying forward out of the saddle through the air. It was determined at the hospital that she had suffered a severe head injury. This affected her vision, voice, speech, coordination, balance, ability to walk, and left her with a tremor and spasticity. Her intellect remained intact. Toni had suffered a major medical trauma, which in turn led to unspeakable emotional trauma, as she struggled daily to deal with life on multiple levels. 
 
Our family also suffered as a result. Toni’s classmates suffered, and our town suffered as well. Oh, yes, there was pain—much pain--but it never occurred to me that we had all suffered trauma--that I was a victim of trauma.  
 
I was a married adult when I convinced my sister to move to our town, where she doggedly tackled college for twenty years. Toni was a proud, determined young woman who struggled daily with insurmountable challenges while numbing her pain with alcohol. Her dream was to graduate, get a job, and support herself, but she was deemed “un-rehabilitatable” by her counselor. I spent those years trying to save her from herself and her self-destructive behavior. When she died at age 57, I fell apart. Over the next year or so, I gradually slid into burnout, because I didn’t know or understand what was happening to me. It took years for me to completely pull out of it. 
 
The Lord has a way of getting our attention, but I missed His cues. When I saw hopelessly-limited Rick with his dad alongside expending all his strength so his son could taste freedom, the memories arose. I identified my sister and myself in them—but I had failed Toni. The buried pain gushed to the surface, and I knew I needed healing. God then revealed my trauma.  
 
I experienced God’s healing power in the early days of my Christian walk when He healed me of traumatic childhood. So, with this recent discovery, I yielded myself once again into His faithful loving hands and asked Him to heal this unveiled trauma injury in my soul. He heard, answered, and now I am free.  
 
Jesus stands eager to heal and deliver our souls, but like me, you may not readily see your need. We can live in denial, failing to face our fears and allow Him access. These things only hold us captive. Jesus wants to free us to live victoriously! Why not ask the Lord today if there is anything holding you captive, keeping you from availing yourself completely of the freedom He died to give you. Just ask Him to heal you, yield to His love, and receive His goodness. Then, dear lady, breathe freely. 
 
Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted and to set captives free! 

Luke 4:18-21
​Isaiah 61:1

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Now an ordained AG minister, Terry Magness was once a broken, wounded, angry, and abuse-hardened woman, until God’s redeeming love confronted, delivered, healed, and transformed her life. In 1995, Terry founded Grace Harbour Ministries, a not-for-profit, Biblically based teaching, prayer, and discipleship ministry to women. Through Biblical counseling, coaching, and mentoring, she helps soul-wounded women come to know God in a personal way, conquer sin, overcome life challenges, and live Spirit-empowered lives. Throughout her global ministry she has witnessed God’s captive-freeing power at work. Terry has authored two books--Ever Increasing Grace and Azadiah Reynolds: God’s Jamaica Man—and three booklets in her Pocket Scriptures series. She  enjoys people, writing, photography, art, nature, and relaxing on the water while fishing with her quick-witted husband, Don, who keeps her laughing. Their amazing children and three priceless granddaughters remind them to be ever thankful for God’s  blessings.

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