Never in my lifetime have relationships been so critical for leaders. Our culture is crying out for authenticity, community and transparency. As leaders we must realize that:
Show up with intentionality Relationships begin by just showing up and having something in common. Relationships are made when working, playing, eating, learning and praying together. Relationships are made while conducting business, getting chemo treatments or sweating in spin class. Even during difficult and painful life moments inside an ICU waiting room or grief class, relationships can be forged. When we share something in common with those around us, there is potential for relationship. If God has strategically placed us in a time, space, place or experience with others, we must believe He has purpose there. The purpose might just be the people there with you. Showing up is good, but intentionality says, "There is an eternal purpose in this moment." Intentionality says, "I want to seize it." Connect with intentionality Of course, we must do more than show up. We must connect. We must seek a way to not just be present with someone but also actually engage him or her, intentionally. This may require making the first move towards conversation or asking the person out to lunch. Confession right here ... I've missed many opportunities to connect because of busyness or overly compartmentalizing my life between the sacred and the secular. Such discrepancies are traps that potentially narrow your focus on ministry. We must remember that all of life is the mission trip. Every moment matters. Our moments invite a wide array of purposes into our every day, from building a bridge in order to share Christ to pouring into young leaders or bearing someone’s burden. Even if the moment is brief, it is a missional opportunity to shine for Christ. I’ve gone back to school on this in two unconnected, yet relatable, situations. One is my involvement in the local gym where I work out. The second is at our children’s camp with Ed. Yes, showing up was the first step. But, the more critical step was being intentional with the “eternal purpose” of that moment. While training for a triathlon with a group from our local YMCA, I got to hear the hurtful journey from a new friend. Just one gentle, purposeful question opened a painful door she willingly opened. We were on a long training ride, so time and space was created for honesty and vulnerability. New intimacy was formed as I listened to her hurt, her wounds. One question and one honest answer moved our relationship down the road immensely. We need to be willing to pursue intimacy with compassionate curiosity. Yes, when we ask "why?" or "how?" or simply say, "Tell me about ...," hearts may open, and walls may come down. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Ed and I whisked away all senior high school student leaders serving in our middle school camp for a midmorning Krispy Kreme run. There, some helium balloons proved to be too tempting. I watched the students go crazy as Ed succumbed and started singing in a "munchkin" voice as well. The students were laughing so hard. Was that sacred? You bet it was. The man who storied the prodigal son and discussed shame the night before could suddenly be silly—wearing a Krispy Kreme hat, his lungs full of helium. The distance from pew to pulpit got shorter. His vulnerability in that moment was of a different kind, yet, it also created a new moment of intimacy. We need more balloons and helium. They bring laughter and a child-like perspective back into our lives, sometimes creating a type of shared moment that a serious sermon could not. Trivial yes, but still sacred. As busy leaders, it takes work with great intentionality and yielding comfort to get to places and people that our Sunday morning lives will never easily touch. Yet, life and the world is so much bigger than Sunday mornings, and many of the people we need to touch most won’t be Sunday morning people or be in Sunday morning settings. Look around you. Where do you need to be more intentional? Where is God telling you to show up and create connection?
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We are talking about the hard parts of ministry [part 1] that you may not have been prepared for when this season of life became real. Ministry is hard, but it is worth it. Here are a few more tips from someone who is still learning this role, too. Single parenting is part of the gig. Ministry changes when your family grows. Our daughter is 16 months, so we are new to combining parenting with ministry. I had to learn that my ability to participate in everything had to shift. My husband needs me to parent sometimes more than he needs me to volunteer. That, initially, was hard for me because I love ministry and hate to miss anything. I have set the goal to try and be a part of everything possible and get help with child care when possible. Also, I have learned that when I take my daughter to a ministry related activity, I am single parenting for that time. This is hard but necessary so my husband’s focus can be on the people we are ministering to. Sometimes, I choose the hard task of single parenting through an event versus staying at home because that cost is worth it. That decision, however, looks different in the stages of my daughter’s life and will look different for every family. Sometimes you will not like people. An emotion I was not prepared for as a pastor’s wife was a feeling of animosity and jealousy towards some of the people we serve. When my husband comes home at the end of a long day and tells me of the long meeting he had with someone, sometimes my initial response is jealousy because I want to have that time with my husband. Or, when I hear the most recent criticism, feelings of animosity rise towards that person because they attack the very things I love and spend my life for. Those feelings come quickly and with fury. I have to step away and evaluate my own heart before I let my emotions rule. I think by default, because our lives are so wrapped up in community, it is inevitable that a side effect would be the battle of hostile feelings at times. Sometimes you will feel lonely. Again, this is an emotion I was not fully prepared for. When you are so surrounded by people and invested in the lives of others, it may be hard to imagine that loneliness could be part of what you are signing up for. It will be, though. There will be times when you are not invited, or the conversation suddenly halts when you walk in a room, all because of the influence and position you hold. This is something that will look so different depending on the environment in which you serve and the strength of your resolve. For me, I am so tender-hearted there were times this was hard. What served me best in seasons of loneliness was the linkage I had with other ministry wives who I could reach out to. Those friends from seminary, who were in the same life stage but different places, geographically, I could text and call when the days got lonely. They were lifesavers. I will encourage you with this truth—don’t isolate yourself. There may be church environments where it is hard for you to participate because of their perception of you as the pastor’s wife, but don’t fan that flame. Though we cannot control others perceived view of us, we can control our instinct to withdraw from an awkward situation. Push in and let your love for the body be known—even amongst those it may make squirm. Hospitality will heal more than it will hurt. There is nothing more life giving to me than to gather people around our table and share a meal. For some, hosting people is intimidating. You would rather do anything else in the world. But, trust me, there is no better way to love and serve people. When there is discord in your midst, breaking of bread can heal a thousand wounds. The community built as you share a table is powerful. Do it often and do it well. Don’t believe the lie that it hurts family time or hurts reputation if everything isn’t just so. Believe the truth that extending the hand of hospitality, and welcoming people into your home, will always be a healing thing. It is a big thing you have been called to as a pastor’s wife. It is weighty and important and possible only by the power of the Spirit. Don’t forget in your pursuit to fill that space well, first and foremost, with your identity as a daughter to the Most High. Let the love you have for the Father, and the remembrance of His grace towards you, be the fountain that fills and overflows to those you love and serve. This article as written by Lindsey Amick in September 2016 for Flourish. Lindsey is married to Brandon Amick, Associate Pastor of Studentship at LifePoint Church in Ozark, MO. They have one amazing daughter. Lindsey loves leading women and teenagers in small group discussion and Bible study. She also enjoys cooking, reading and hosting friends.You can follow her blog at amickadventures.wordpress.com. To impact means to have a strong effect on someone or something. As leaders, there are two approaches to impacting the lives of the women around you. It can happen accidentally or it can be deliberate. In this video by Charlotte Gambill for Leading and Loving It, we can learn what it means to impact other women deliberately. By Jane Rubietta The phone rang in the middle of Luann’s busy day. “Luann,” her friend whispered, tears tightening her voice, “I don’t know what to do about my son. He is using drugs.” Luann delayed her next appointment and listened. She asked wise questions. She shared ideas when appropriate. And she prayed over the phone. Luann’s total availability and her own grief as she wept with her friend gave hope and direction—and much needed companionship in the often overwhelming wasteland of transition. There is no greater privilege than being present to another person in pain. No greater gift than to know we do not traverse the desert alone. No greater joy than holding another in time of crisis, carrying that person to the Father and, with love, transferring our loved one to him. How God longs to love us through relationships with others. Wilderness Friendship When God summoned Moses back from his forty-year escape tending sheep, Moses’ final protest was, “Look, God, I know all about you, but I can’t talk well so just send someone else, OK?” God’s anger showed up then: “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you” (Exo. 4:14). Aaron found Moses and approached him. And even though he had plenty of reasons to be furious with Moses for disappearing and abandoning his strategic position within the king’s empire, Aaron’s “heart was glad” when he saw Moses. And from two estranged brothers raised in entirely different households, God created a wilderness team that would endure forty years. Rarely can we survive the wilderness alone, though that is our proclivity. Thankfully, God who created us knows our need for companionship and accountability, in spite of our protests. He formed a desert partnership that would rescue a nation from slavery, take them on a four-decade journey of faith and save them. He longs to create desert partnerships for us, as well. As with Moses and Aaron, spiritual friendships complete our weaknesses. I hesitate to use the word fellowship here. The term itself conjures up images of potlucks in dank church basements, of flighty conversation and “I’m fine-ness” in the foyer and aisles of church. Perhaps less trivialized is the term spiritual friendship. A Spiritual Friend Spiritual friendships begin with companionship. Rather than trying to teach us, a desert friend comes alongside us in our sojourn. This sense of equality, of traveling in the same direction side by side, feeling the same anguish en route, is essential for true mutuality. Though our journeys through fire may differ, traveling together creates strength. I will never forget the treasured times deepening friends have said, “I would like to tell you more of my story.” So often we withhold our history because we are afraid another will judge us, ignore our painful past, or shy away from acknowledging the ugliness and anguish there. These friends look further than our superficialities and incomes and soapboxes and cleverly applied makeup and well-decorated homes. Spiritual friends fight for us to become the person God intended, reminding us where we are going. They see who we will be, not necessarily who we are now. “To truly love someone is to see them as God intended,” said Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Intense listening is one of God’s traits and a characteristic of a dear friend. We’ve all had—or been—acquaintances who did all the talking and none of the listening when we were together; we never offer one another the chance to be part of the relationship. Monologues prohibit true friendship. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear. So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians . . . so often think they must always “contribute” something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Desert Difficulties Knowing we were created for meaningful, completing relationships from the very beginning of time does not eliminate the difficulties inherent in finding those friends and sustaining them in our world today. Several factors mitigate against soul-level friendships. Relationship needs. We often fight against the very thing for which we most long. This shows up in our chock-full calendars, our harried conversations and shallow relationships; both society and lifestyle collaborate against trust, depth, and longevity. Friends take time. They require freedom, spontaneity, courage. We have to choose, deliberately, to listen to our good longings and refuse to stay in cahoots with the isolation of the enemy any longer. We cannot afford to live friendless. Transience. Our transient society makes it harder to dive below the surface with others and stay there longer and longer. One Chicago suburb has an average residency rate of eighteen months! It’s easy, then, to just say, “Forget it, I’m not going to risk, to invest; I won’t be here that long.” But, the more profound our friendships, the more mutual our sharing, the easier it is to maintain relationships, even at a distance. Nurturing as control. Receiving love somehow obligates us thus, we have to give up some measure of control in order to receive. Some people refuse to be in that vulnerable, I-owe-you position and so do not allow themselves to accept nurture from others. Fear of rejection. Perhaps one of our greatest wrestlings is with our sense of worth. “Am I enough?” we ask. We question whether we deserve (need) healthy, deeply supportive relationships and whether we have something to offer in return. “Is there enough beauty and life within me to sustain and deepen a friendship? Inside us dwells a classic fear of being rejected if anyone really knew the depth of our internal depravity, how dark it gets inside us at times. Merton writes: To love sincerely, and with simplicity, we must first of all overcome the fear of not being loved. And this cannot be done by forcing ourselves to believe in some illusion, saying that we are loved when we are not. We must first strip ourselves of our greatest illusions about ourselves, frankly recognize in how many ways we are unlovable, descend into the depths of our being until we come to the basic reality that in us, and learn to see that we are loveable after all, in spite of everything! What a miracle: in spite of us, God loves us. Because of that unending grace, we can engage in spiritual friendships—without fear. This helps when we fear offending another with our honesty, our past, our besetting sins, the pain we have endured. Knowing In order to be known, we must, as Benner suggested, be willing to know ourselves, first. Acknowledging our ache for what it is, loneliness, is a first step. Nouwen writes: Here [in the monastery] I have the chance to convert my feelings of loneliness into solitude and allow God to enter into the emptiness of my heart. Here I can experience a little bit of the desert and realize that it is not only a dry place where people die of thirst, but also the vast empty space where the God of love reveals himself and offers his promise to those who are waiting in faithfulness. In this place of acknowledgment, we are set free. When God camps in the midst of our loneliness, the desert begins its transforming work. We can give our longings to God, and even as we search the horizon ourselves, allow Him to bring us the people at the right time who will wait out our wilderness with us. A Real Friend With a real friend, I don’t have to be “fine.” I don’t have to be someone with all the answers and none of the problems of life. I can be a wreck. My heart can ache, and I can say, “I am not doing well. I want to quit. This is just too hard.” I am humbled by the number of friends who can hold me in my messiness, not feeling obliged to run the other way or to fix me up. Nor do they judge my wreckage; I do not believe there is anything I could do to run them off—not my deepest secret or my darkest shame. I don’t need to entertain these women with compelling and meaningful talk (good thing). I can just be there with them. I come away from spiritual friends challenged, longing to be more like Christ, to be a better woman, a present and alive wife, a loving mother, a steady friend—and to make a difference in the world. Chesterton was right: “There are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematician that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one.” My friends will not allow me to give up on God, on myself, on those I love, or my place in their life. Soul friends hold my heart and redirect my attention to God’s good heart for me and the goodness of my longings (rather than the way those longings are displayed—the messiness). They adjure me to hold on. And when I cannot hold on, they hold on for me. A Closer Look at Your Friendships
Article from Just Between Us
By Stacey Weeks
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" (Isaiah 40:29). As I read Isaiah 40, I’m preparing to finish one of the biggest projects of my life. This season has been hard, and the work has come about with great sacrifice, determination, and if I’m honest . . . assistance from others. I’m not sure why, but the older I get, the harder it is to ask for help. Why is that? As women we need help, but often fail to reach out and get the support we need. When times get tough, our instinct is to hunker down and weather the storm, rather than making ourselves vulnerable by asking for help. As I reflect upon my journey, here are a few common themes I’ve noticed: Reasons I don’t ask for help: I lose control. When we ask for assistance, we surrender our ability to solely shape and direct the vision. Our personal plans and designs must bend to accommodate the input of others. Asking for help means I am no longer the sole architect of this endeavor. People will think I can’t do it. If we admit weakness, we become vulnerable. People might think we’re weak, that we can’t cut it, or that we weren’t as good as our predecessors. It’s quicker if I do it myself. If we ask for help, we’ll have to explain how to do something. Explaining takes time. And even after its explained, it may not get done the way we wanted. Or, it might not get done at all. I’ll feel inferior. If we ask for assistance, we’ll feel like we failed. That small voice in our heads will say, See, I knew this was too much for you. The list goes on, but no matter the reason, asking for help is important. As ministry wives, we can accomplish the things that God has called us to do. But we are not meant to do it all. As you work to accomplish goals, dream dreams, and embrace new visions; I encourage you to keep these principles in mind. Work should be joyful. It’s true that God has called and equipped us to do great things, but our work should be a joyful experience. As we model a healthy work ethic to younger women and those around us, we should remember to rejoice in the work of our hands. How often are you smiling as you complete your tasks? Are you remembering to laugh? If not, some adjustments may be needed to your to-do list. Our work is God’s work. Whether you work in or outside the church, what we do reflects the character of Christ. When we burden ourselves to the point of exhaustion, we fail to emulate His character. Genesis 1:28 demonstrates that God did create work for mankind, but He also modeled rest on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2-3). Jesus also modeled rest during His earthly ministry (Luke 8:24). Remember, your work is God’s work, but rest should be part of the equation. Remember the greatest commandment. When we’re working to accomplish goals and meet deadlines, its easy to forget what really matters. The primary objective of Christian life is to love one another. Remember that your work best honors God when it is rooted in love. Take time amidst the business to express the joy in your heart, and the love He bestows daily. You were chosen for this day and this time, but you were designed for relationships. God desires your work to be fruitful, not solitary. Take time today to examine whats on your plate. Are there areas of strife, and frustration? Consider how you can ask for assistance in these areas. What is draining you might be a wonderful possibility for growth and development for someone else. When God directs our efforts, the very things that tire us may energize and empower others. Today, allow yourself the freedom to ask for help. This article and others like it can be found at Her Green Room.
If you are like most women, you are your own worst critic. Being hard on ourselves is what we do. If you live your life never feeling like what you do is enough, then read on, friend! Finding freedom from our own expectations is not impossible.Here are some questions to ask to help find freedom from your own expectations. Let’s just cut right to the chase. We all have the propensity to heap unhealthy expectations on ourselves. Certain events and influences from our past can increase that tendency. Ultimately, visiting those places in our lives can bring healing, but there are a few truths that we can all grab hold of now that can help us begin to break free. Do I know my purpose? Sometimes, we have expectations of ourselves that are outside our purpose. If I was a photographer, but I struggled with nagging thoughts like, “I don’t rescue enough people from burning buildings,” you would tell me to stick with my pictures and leave the rescues to firefighters. If I know clearly my purpose, then I can weed out other demands that inevitably fight for my attention. Are you clear on your purpose? If not, you may feel like you should do everything to cover your bases. That’s exhausting. Find your purpose. Am I pressured by the success of other women? Comparing can overwhelm us. Social media compounds that issue by constantly bombarding us with a filtered version of everyone’s best. Somehow, we think we should not only reach our goals for our own purpose, but do what other women are doing, as well. Besides not being realistic, that’s not healthy. The result? We live splintered lives, unable to do anything well as we attempt to do it all. And we’re exhausted. Run your race without comparing. Do I know that the world will keep turning if I stop? Ever find yourself thinking, “if I don’t do it, nobody will” ? Perhaps, like me, you say it out loud, taking on a superwoman voice as you do. When we believe we are the only one who will or can do something, we might have an inflated view of ourselves. Yes, there are things that we have to do, but, based on the truth that “I” cannot do everything, there are others that must go. Someone else will and can. This might mean recruiting, and even training, your replacement. Perhaps an unrealistic expectation you placed on yourself is part of someone else’s purpose. Let them have it. Is God expecting this of me? It would be cruel of a father to demand something from a child and then not give that child the time or resources to do it. If God has given you a task or responsibility, He will also equip you with what’s needed—including time. We beat ourselves up thinking, “if I could just figure out how to manage my time better, I could get it all done,” when in reality we are overloaded with things never given to us by our Savior. He is a good father who is not trying to work you to death and is certainly not demanding perfection. In fact, He wants you to rest. At times, we are overwhelmed by demands in life we cannot control, such as an illness or loss. During these times, our expectations of ourselves change; they should change. Our focus becomes rest and healing. Yet, even during these times, we can expect too much of ourselves instead of walking in His mercy and grace. At other times, we heap unhealthy expectations on ourselves unknowingly. Our desire to nurture, to help, to love and to be needed clouds our vision. We try harder and harder to do more than we were designed to do. Outside of God’s purpose, we find defeat and exhaustion. Jesus reminds us that He wants us working alongside Him—not running around trying to impress Him. When He tells us that His yoke is easy, He is giving us a picture of being yoked with Him, as two oxen were when plowing. Together, moving forward together. I believe He has the field already picked out and the seed ready. Are you where God wants you, or are you busy with work you heaped on yourself? Are you exhausted from trying to get it together? Ask the Father for clarity. For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. – Philippians 2:13 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. – Ephesians 2:10 This post originally posted here. Marianna Dollyhigh is a pastor's wife and mom to six. She blogs at Messy Journey where this blog post was first featured and shared by Flourish. Q: I am tired of struggling financially. Our salary meets our basic needs, but money is always tight. Today I had to tell my son that we can no longer afford to have him participate in the sport he loves. We have been in the ministry since we married 12 years ago. We pastor a small church. The loving people in our congregation can only afford to pay us a small salary. I am the church administrative assistant and work full-time but receive only a part-time salary. I don’t know how much longer I can stand the financial strain on our household. A: Financial worries can be emotionally draining and relentlessly stressful. At the same time many people feel it necessary to hide their struggles out of shame. Thank you for your honesty. I assume that you, like most people entering the ministry, have made peace with the likelihood you will not accumulate wealth. However, after a sustained time of scrimping and doing without while others seem to thrive, frustration can easily come. You mentioned that your salary meets your basic needs, so I am going to respond from that perspective. (If you were lacking in basic needs such as groceries or shelter, I would suggest that you address those needs first by letting your congregation and your district know and by reaching out for assistance wherever it is available in your community.) A major contributing factor to financial stress is not so much the dollars you earn as it is the reality that our culture strongly celebrates both accumulation and immediate gratification. This tide threatens to sweep us all along toward obtaining more stuff and better technology. Though we know cognitively that possessions do not bring happiness, it certainly appears like they do in commercials and advertisements. It takes a conscious effort to turn our eyes away from those things and to remind ourselves that true joy comes only from the One we serve who continually reminded us He will meet all of our needs. There is no shame in living simply and frugally. At the same time, there is no shame in honestly admitting to others that you have financial limitations. If this is your reality, then speaking the truth about that will free you from the stress of hiding it. Do not allow the pressure of unspoken expectations to add to your worries. For example, it is common to socialize by going out for dinner or spending recreational time with friends. This presents a dilemma for our financial challenges if we make plans that exceed what we can afford. Find ways to matter-of-factly clarify where your limits lie or suggest less costly alternatives. Beware of comparisons. Comparisons bring discontentment. Remain vigilant about this because it is so easy to fall into this trap. Observing what other people enjoy can so easily bring envy and longing because it seems like the object or the experience of their enjoyment would do so much to enrich our own lives. Remind yourself of what you already know: that no thing or recreational experience can ever bring lasting happiness, health, or contentment. Again, financial stress lies not so much in what we have, but in what we believe about what we have. Attitude toward financial success plays the biggest factor in interpreting our situation. Prayerfully ask God to reveal false beliefs that bring discouragement like:
I suggest seeking some outside input regarding your financial situation. Find a reputable class on personal finance or a financial advisor who can put fresh eyes on your situation. He/she could recommend the best way to catch up on those bills as well as find ways to bring you greater freedom. Some simple adjustments might bring relief fairly quickly. Pray about creative ways to supplement your income. Revisit with your husband your decision to work at the church office and explore other options you might pursue. On the other hand, consider cutting back your hours at the church to match your part-time salary, allowing you to supplement your income in other ways. If creative ideas seem scarce, ask for outside advice from people whom you financially admire. Remember that you are modeling your values to your child. No doubt he will be disappointed that he cannot join his team. However, he will not suffer any lifelong ill effects from missing sports unless you model for him a perspective that teaches him to be devastated by it. In other words, he will take his cue from you as to how consuming this disappointment is. If you matter-of-factly acknowledge his feelings, while at the same time urging him to cooperate with the family in financial decisions, you will teach him lifelong lessons. Finally, in no way do I want to sound cliché; however, the call to ministry carries an inherent dependence on faith in God’s provision. While it requires a higher level of trust, it will also reap a deeper dependence on Him. In times of financial blessing or in times of financial challenge, we still serve the same God who has promised to take care of us. While we should strive to continually gain more wisdom in all things, including financial, we have no choice but to trust Him along the way. GABRIELE RIENAS, a pastor’s wife since 1981 and a professional counselor, lives in Beaverton, Oregon. She speaks at retreats, conferences, and events worldwide. Contact her at 503-705-9230. Visit her website at www.gabrielerienas.com. This article was published at Enrichment Journal.
I had noticed her looking at him, laughing a little too loud, practically swooning over the brilliance of his sermons and cleverness of his insights. But she was my good friend, and I didn’t consider it flirting, especially since my husband paid no attention to her whatsoever. She was just vivacious and outgoing. My Bible study leader in our church (I’ll call her Ruth), was a trusted mentor and friend to me. She was the age of my own mom and had unusual spiritual maturity and discernment. So, I wasn’t surprised when she spoke very directly to me one day about my friend’s behavior. She had noticed and picked up on it instantly. I remember sitting at Ruth’s kitchen table with her eyes staring into mine, saying “Susie, you have to help your husband. You are his “safeguard” – your very presence can diffuse situations like this. Your relationship with him is God’s provision of protecting him from temptation. Don’t be foolish and ignore this, you need to bring it to his attention, talk with him about it and decide how you will handle it.” I thought about Ruth’s comments all day and have replayed that conversation in my mind hundreds of times since then. How wise and discerning she was and I am forever grateful for her directness and exhortation to a young and sometimes naïve pastor’s wife. The word “safeguard” is defined as something that serves as a protection, defense or that ensures safety (www.dictionary.com). Ruth was right on target, as usual. Husbands and wives are each other’s “safeguards” against the temptations of the enemy. Make no mistake about it – Satan is the prowling lion seeking to destroy testimonies and lives, especially of those in ministry. Paul supports this concept in 1 Cor. 7: 1-6. Our bodies exclusively belong to one another, and our physical relationship is designed to bring us fulfillment within the boundaries of marriage. Guarding that is our charge, so that Satan will not have an opportunity to tempt us (vs. 7). I took Ruth’s warning as a wakeup call to be more intentional in being my husbands “safeguard”. That evening my husband came home from the office, with a large box of homemade cookies, delivered by my friend to the church office that morning. (He had mentioned in his sermon on Sunday how much he loved chocolate chip cookies). Well, something happened to me when I saw that box. I was suddenly livid! I ripped the top off and said, “You want cookies? I’ll give you cookies!!” I proceeded to smash every cookie in that box with my fist until the entire box was tiny crumbs. My husband was staring at me and when I finally stopped, we burst into hysterical laughter. I’m not sure if what I saw in his eyes was relief or fear! But it quickly led to a very honest talk about this situation and how we would handle these things in the future. I was ready to send her a note saying, Hey, my kids and I loved the cookies! Oh and by the way, YOU AIN’T WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE MY MAN! But I calmed down - and learned an invaluable lesson that day. I must be intentional in guarding and investing in my marriage. I am my husband’s safeguard against the schemes of the enemy, he is mine, and we will do everything within our power and God’s to protect our relationship and our testimony. I did learn one other thing – maybe I need to bake chocolate cookies a little more often?...read more Susie lives in Dallas, TX with her husband OS Hawkins. She is the author of From One Ministry Wife to Another: Honest Conversations on Connections in Ministry and writes for Flouish.me. She has 2 daughters and 6 grandchildren, keeping her life full of craziness and joy. For many small-group leaders, one of the more intimidating things we do is facilitating a group discussion. Very few of us feel like we'll have all the right answers, or that we can handle whatever curve balls will be thrown our way (and there will be some!). To make matters worse, it's even challenging to gauge whether we're doing a good job or not. But here's the good news: that's not what facilitating a group discussion is really about. We don't have to have all of the right answers. We don't have to lead the perfect discussion every time. We don't even have to get through all of the material in each meeting! When we're facilitating in our small group, our main goal is to create discussion. We want to challenge people to think about the topic at hand, and to create a safe environment for people to share their thoughts—to help everyone feel valued about the input they've offered. That's all we've got to do. Thankfully, there are some established practices and principles that can help us accomplish those goals. Asking Good QuestionsOne of the most important skills in small-group facilitation is not having all of the right answers, but asking the right questions. Here are a few secrets to good question-asking:
Written by Carter Moss and published at SmallGroups.com, Carter is the Adult Ministry Catalyst for Community Christian Church and NewThing. —Carter Moss; used with permission of Community Christian Church and the NewThing Network, © 2008.
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Where do you go to learn about being a minister's wife?
It is our desire here at Refresh to see that each woman has a positive experience in partnership with their husband in ministry. Bloom wants to provide guidance, support, connection, and encouragement to wives new to ministry through a connection with a seasoned and trained minister's wife using a Connect group created specifically for you. We'll use books to guide us in our conversations about the challenges, issues, benefits, and rewards of being a minister's wife. We believe when women are strengthen, our families and churches are strengthened, and the ministry of the gospel is strengthened. Interested in joining a Bloom Group?
Let us hear from you. Next group starting April 2018. Archives
April 2018
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