Do I Need a Coach?

Why would I, a pastor's wife, need a coach? That's a good question, one worthy of a little thinking time. I have pictures of my high school volleyball coach running through my mind. We called her Helga the Hun (behind her back, of course) and we we're terrorized. My first thought is, do I really need some verbally abusive, red-faced, type-A coach yelling at me, telling me what to do and how I'm doing it all wrong? No, thank you! But I've been hearing there's a different kind of coach out there, one who listens and asks questions, one who can help me get from where I'm at right now to where I want to be. Okay, that's different! I might be able to handle that.

So, what reasons would I have to work with a coach? They say coaching can address any question on any topic of any size that I may ask. Let's see. I might have questions in these situations:

• I've got dreams and visions of what I want to do in my life, my ministry, and I don't know what to do with them.
  
  
• I'm trying to figure out how to get an idea, a project, in my home/my church started, implemented and completed.
  
  
• I don't know what I'm doing, how I'm supposed to fit in, what my purpose is in this ministry partnership with my husband.
  
  
• I don't know what to do with all the expectations placed upon me by the church, my husband, my family, and myself.
  
  
• My life is out of balance and it's created some unwanted consequences.
  
  
• My husband and I are considering changing our focus in ministry from pastor to missionary.
  
  
• I want to get more Bible knowledge and training in ministry.
  
  
• I want to become a better communicator.

So what is this coaching relationship going to look like?  A coaching relationship is different than any other relationship. All the energy and results generated in the coaching relationship are focused on the goals chosen by the person being coached.  That's right--the coach does not set the agenda for the coaching relationship. The coach is committed to listening first, and then strives to ask powerful questions. Think about it, a relationship where someone's goal is to make things better for the OTHER person. A great coach should ask me tough questions that will make me think differently. A coach can help me to get moving and accomplish my goals. Wow, that energizes me just thinking about it!  The agenda or reason for the relationship, the time commitment, and cost are all worked out at what's called an intake session, and the sessions can be in person or by phone. That's convenient! And I should expect to have some "homework" between sessions - to help me dig deeper and think more about the items covered in the session.

But it's got to be expensive. Well, according to Jerry Harris with the SMD Coaching Network, "Cost is not a big issue in getting a coach. A coach hired through the SMD Coaching Network will charge $25 - $50 an hour, but has the flexibility to discount that price. Some will even accept a cup of coffee as the fee. We want everyone in our district to have access to a coach and do not want cost to be a negative factor in getting the service." That's good!

And where do I find a coach that's right for me?  I really think I would be more comfortable being coached by a woman. "We have men and women coaches available, some from the Southern MO district and some from the Kansas district. We have more people going through the CoachNet training to be a coach right now. If someone wants a coach, they can contact me and I can get them connected. In the future, we plan to let them choose a coach from our SMD Coaching Network website," says Jerry Harris.

Okay…now it's just a matter of "do I want to do this?" Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Even Bill Gates says that we all need a coach, and we all need feedback because that's how we improve. Lacy Hartman, a church planter and former pastor at Northpoint Church in Springfield says, "Coaching has been a catalyst, not only for me personally, but my marriage and our ministry. Coaching helps individuals and couples move further faster. A coach comes alongside individuals and aids them in discovering new, improved, and clarified ideas or vision. Coaching not only draws out potential and discovery, but aids in follow through with realistic action plans!"

I see that coaching is good for my pastor husband. This just might be a good thing for me, too. I think I can do this. I think I want to do this!

Post by Lisa Harris, Coach and administrator for SMD Coaching Network.

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