"I found myself needing to be in His presence. I craved it, yearned for it, and sought it with my entire being."
Last week, I began sharing my story (which is really God's story). I told how in January of 2011, I found myself overcome with anxiety. It was in God's presence that I began to experience His healing in my life. The journey wasn't easy. In fact it was the most difficult road I have ever walked. I would never have chosen to walk that path, but looking back, it's an experience I wouldn't trade for the world. Why? Because of what I learned about myself, but more importantly what I learned about Jesus, His grace and mercy, and the power of His Word.
I continue with excerpts from my journal:
January 12, 2011
“Lord, why do I wrestle so much with my thoughts? Since I was a little girl I have wanted to please you, to have a relationship with you. I was eight years old when I made a public profession of my faith. Here I am, 48 years old and struggling with fears that should not be.
“Perhaps [the] struggle with my thoughts right now [is] a result of a combination of things. First, when I was about 12, I became fearful of severing my relationship with Christ. Over the years, at times, I’ve dealt with this more intently. God always brings me through. Now, I am confronted with these thoughts on an extreme level. Secondly, my body is stressed from being overextended—not having much margin in my life.
“I believe the [culmination] of these two issues has brought me [to] where I am today—in desperate need of a touch from God. I do believe that God will restore my entire being and allow me to help others who may be facing similar struggles.
“A tear rolls down my cheek signifying the hope I have that God will restore me!
January 13, 2011
“Lord, you have been faithful! I didn’t know how I would possibly make it through the day after waking around midnight to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and restlessness, but YOU brought me through. Thank you! I’m not out of the woods because I have a lot to do, in Your time, to allow Your complete healing to occur in my life. It is a process that I hope [You] will allow me to walk through, one step at a time. I’m ready to be free of anxiety and to be completely whole in my entire being. You spoke to my heart tonight (on the way home from counseling) and assured me of Your love for me and the relationship we have. You “called me out of darkness and into your marvelous light.” Thank you!
January 14, 2011
"It’s so easy to want the solution to a problem right now. I’m learning that the joy and the reward come through the process. Had God instantly healed me of anxiety I would, no doubt, be missing what He is teaching me through this [happening in my life]."
I’m learning that the joy and the reward come
through the process.
“As I lay praying in my bed, wrestling with thoughts, God brought to my mind the scripture, ‘Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.’ [1 Peter 5:7 KJV] A common verse, yet I realized that I had not been doing so. I had been holding on to things, unaware that I hadn’t ‘cast’ it upon him. Getting out of bed, I looked up 1 Peter 5:7 and read, ‘Casting all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ [NIV] I don’t think the word anxiety had ever [stood] out before, but God spoke to my heart and what
a release I felt!
"The previous verse reads, ‘Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time.’ I feel that God is helping me do that as I surrender to counsel...”
As women in ministry, it’s much easier to say, “Let me pray for you," or ask, "How may I help you?" than to make aware our own inadequacies and need for help. How many times have we been guilty of referring our congregants to professional counselors, but would never go there ourselves. After all, we're supposed to be strong and have it all together...aren't we? Wouldn't that indicate weakness? As God began to do a new thing in me, it required intentional time with Him, but it also required laying aside my pride and admitting that I needed godly counsel.
As God began to do a new thing in me, it required intentional time with Him, but it also required laying aside my pride and admitting that I needed godly counsel.
What "things" are you holding on to that need to be surrendered to Jesus? What walls are blocking you from receiving the help you need? What story has God given you to share to proclaim His goodness in your life?
Meet me here next Monday, as I continue sharing my story (which is really His story).
Vicki Miller and her husband, Don, have been in full-time ministry, together, for more than 33 years. They have four daughters, three sons-in-law, and three grandsons who keep their lives full of joy and laughter. Having been a pastor's wife to the same congregation for more than 25 years, Vicki now enjoys ministering alongside her husband as they serve their district's ministers and their spouses. Traveling is a shared interest between them. Encouraging ministry wives in their unique role and their walk with Jesus is a passion of Vicki's. After serving Jesus most of her life, she says, "I am still amazed at the grace and goodness of God and I pray that I never get over it." For fun, she likes to read and work on DIY projects, but especially loves spending time with family and friends.
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