It is not necessary to include every word written in my journal—it would take months of weekly posts to do so. What IS important, is for me to convey to you how big, how loving, how faithful, and how amazing our God is. If He can do this new thing in me, He can and will (if you let Him) do it for you. That is my prayer! If you would like to catch up with last week’s blog, click here.
Several days after my trip to the ER, my husband felt it necessary for the two of us to get away to a place of quiet and solitude for healing to begin. Restlessness and anxiety were something I could not shake. I thought I was losing my mind.
January 16, 2011, 9:11 P.M.
"I stood in a place I have never stood before, challenged to let God work through the process of healing my mind and restoring rest to my body. God led [a pastor] to send us a text sharing that while praying for us he felt led to have us read Psalm 27. Not knowing the specifics of [our] needs, he truly heard from the Lord. Verse 1 reads, ‘The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?' That chapter was meant for us!"
On the last morning of our get-away, we attended service at the church where this man pastored. Before his message, I went forward for prayer, claiming God's healing in my life. The message he preached penetrated my soul. The following morning I journaled:
January 17, 2011, 2:00 A.M.
“'The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.' Proverbs 18:21. In Jesus’ name, I take hold of the word you shared with Don and me…I am healed, in Jesus’ name. The things spoken to me through your Word are for me and I accept them, claim them, and stand upon them for they are life to me."
“The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21.
However, the next night I again woke with anxiety, fear gripping my mind.
"I cast it (anxiety) on Jesus and I repent for allowing fear to take its grip on me. Lord, I give you every thought that would attempt to ‘exalt itself against the knowledge of Christ’ ['and take every thought captive to obey Christ,' 2 Corinthians 10:5.] For I know that You are able to keep [that] which I have committed unto You. I speak health over my mind, body and soul. I am healed and I walk in total VICTORY!"
"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:5
Here me out—I didn’t feel victorious at that point! I didn't feel healed. But, I knew the truth of God’s Word and by faith I began to declare my wholeness.
January 21, 2011, 12:40 A.M.
"Oh, Lord, you have spoken to my heart many times in many ways. I’m tired and weary and ready for rest. Yet, there must be something you need me to learn during these times in the night. I’m reminded of the scripture I read last night in Psalm 30, '…weeping lasts for the night…joy comes in the morning [my version]. I’m ready for 'the morning.' [Scriptures continue to come to my mind. Applying the principles of God's Word, I declare truth over specific areas of my life.]
"'Psalm 27:1, 'The Lord is my Light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?'
"'God’s Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.' Hebrews 4:12 ESV'"
God's Word is powerful! If you aren’t using this weapon of offense, you are missing out on the life that God designed for you.
January 22, 2011
"Lord, you have blessed me with Your Word. You have spoken TRUTH to my heart. I am encouraged as Your Holy Spirit has so beautifully led me to scripture to speak to [me]. I’m in a place I have never been before. I crave God’s presence; time with You. I need You more than ever before!"
What I hope I have conveyed to you through these few journal entries, is the importance God’s Word was (and is) to me. I had to read it, hold on to it, meditate on it, and live it. When the rubber hit the road, it was God’s Word that proved to be my lifeline. Godly counsel was certainly needed and helpful; a christian doctor to recognize a chemical imbalance was a benefit; but it was God through His Word, and by His Holy Spirit that I can say I am victorious.
I had to read it, hold on to it, meditate on it,
and live it.
For the next several months, I found myself gaining strength, struggling less with anxious thoughts. Daily, and eventually less frequently, I journaled what God was revealing to me. As I did, the heaviness began to lift. His Word was literally life to my entire being!
Would I ask to again walk the path God allowed me to walk? Probably not. Did I grow closer to Him through this time of desperation? Most certainly! And I wouldn't trade it for any earthly treasure. I'm truly grateful for His Word revealed in my life and the "new thing" that I hope always remains fresh within me.
For the past two weeks I have shared excerpts from my journal, thinking I would continue through January before ending. After reconsidering, I am closing with this last post. Next week, you will read a post from a blogger on the subject of burnout. Be sure to check it out.
Vicki Miller and her husband, Don, have been in full-time ministry, together, for more than 33 years. They have four daughters, three sons-in-law, and three grandsons who keep their lives full of joy and laughter. Having been a pastor's wife to the same congregation for more than 25 years, Vicki now enjoys ministering alongside her husband as they serve their district's ministers and their spouses. Traveling is a shared interest between them. Encouraging ministry wives in their unique role and their walk with Jesus is a passion of Vicki's. After serving Jesus most of her life, she says, "I am still amazed at the grace and goodness of God and I pray that I never get over it." For fun, she likes to read and work on DIY projects, but especially loves spending time with family and friends.
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