by Terry Magness

Now an ordained AG minister, Terry Magness was once a broken, wounded, angry, and abuse-hardened woman, until God’s redeeming love confronted, delivered, healed, and transformed her life.

In 1995, Terry founded Grace Harbour Ministries, a not-for-profit, Biblically based teaching, prayer, and discipleship ministry to women. Through Biblical counseling, coaching, and mentoring, she helps soul-wounded women come to know God in a personal way, conquer sin, overcome life challenges, and live Spirit-empowered lives. Throughout her global ministry she has witnessed God’s captive-freeing power at work.

Terry has authored two books--Ever Increasing Grace and Azadiah Reynolds: God’s Jamaica Man—and three booklets in her Pocket Scriptures series.
 
Terry enjoys people, writing, photography, art, nature, and relaxing on the water while fishing with her quick-witted husband, Don, who keeps her laughing. Their amazing children and three priceless granddaughters remind them daily to be ever thankful for God’s wondrous blessings.

Coffee is my connection with friends. Sadly, I feel as if this one does get sacrificed a lot, but I’m so aware that I need it to get me through. I’ve been prioritizing this one more lately.

You might be wondering where God is in this metaphor? My time with Him is the napkin. So simple. So necessary. Cleans me up no matter what’s gotten on my hands and face. Refreshes me. My time with Him determines the quality of the napkin. ​

Although I can’t say math is my favorite subject, I do have varied calculations for determining how and when a vacation could and should take place. If you'll indulge me, I'll share the process with you. (You may have already seen me on the cable channels late at night demonstrating how it works and telling you that it could be yours for only 5 installments of $19.95.) ​

A few years ago, I resigned a staff position at church because of needs in my family. I walked my neighborhood feeling a little sorry for myself and thinking, "I wish I could go to an unreached people group!" 
 
I had recently done a 30-day LIVE DEAD devotional. LIVE DEAD focuses on the unreached people in our world today. I have a few friends who are missionaries to these unreached peoples, and I greatly admire them. They are heroes to me. 

I know it is not all glorious and glamorous to minister to unreached people. It is hard. It is a sacrifice. However, I got to thinking about what my missionary friends often do to reach these people.  

They move into the neighborhood. 

I was convicted as I felt the Lord speak to me that if I wanted to reach the unreached, all I needed to do was to look around me at my own neighborhood. Many of my neighbors living within walking distance do not know the Lord. 

I began to pray for the Lord to use me to reach my neighborhood. That very day on my walk, I saw a young mother strapping her baby in a car seat. I could see that she was crying. I walked up to her and started a conversation. She was going through a very difficult situation in her marriage very similar to what I had gone through years ago in my own first marriage. I began a relationship with her that continues today, some seven years later. I invited her to my house. I sat with her kids when she went to court. We talked and stayed in touch. She got a job as a real estate agent and was our realtor when we sold our house. She recently visited my church and is doing well. 

I began to invite other neighbors over to my house for coffee or tea. In the winter, I made a pot of chili and invited a few close neighbors over. In the summer, we had a barbecue and invited a few more close neighbors. I helped organize a block party. We lived in that neighborhood for five years. By the time we moved, I knew over fifty of my neighbors by name. 

One of the neighbors who had some hurts from church and was only watching online is now a dear friend and involved in our church. Three other neighbors have visited our church. My next-door neighbor became a dear friend and is walking with the Lord. When our other next-door neighbor had a tragedy in their family, I went with her to the hospital to visit her son and walked through it with them. The husband of the couple who bought our house when we moved a year ago passed away from COVID-19 within months after moving. I invited her to our new house for coffee. She now attends our church and is in our life group.  

When we moved to a new neighborhood, I was excited for a new mission field. However, it was in the middle of the pandemic, so I didn't meet as many neighbors at first. Nevertheless, in the summer when they opened the neighborhood pool, I met several women in my new neighborhood. (I guess you could say that I have been called to "pool ministry"). I am looking forward to my walks this spring and summer hoping to meet more neighbors. 

For many years, I was so busy attending committee meetings and ministering to those already saved, my focus was not on those right in my neighborhood who needed relationship and needed Jesus. I am thankful for those who are called to minister and disciple those already in a relationship with the Lord. We all have different callings and seasons, but maybe you are in a season where you have more time? Maybe you are looking for more purpose? 

I am sharing this not to bring attention to what I have done. I am sharing it in hopes that whether you are in a position or you are retired: Don't forget about your neighborhood! There are unreached people in your path. Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. We are called to do the same.  

Just like those overseas, you don't always get converts immediately. Sometimes it takes months and years of building a relationship. Sometimes it involves simply listening to someone's story before you are able to share the full story of Jesus.  

There are people all around us who are hurting and who don't know the Lord. You may not be able to walk your neighborhood, but what about the people who come across your path at the gym or the grocery store or the restaurant or the hair salon? May the Lord help each of us to reach those who are in our path and in our neighborhoods.  

Jesus heard about it and spoke up, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting outsiders, not insiders—an invitation to a changed life, changed inside and out.” Luke 5:31-32 MSG 

Terry has been in Christian ministry for nearly fifty years, is a licensed minister, author, pastoral counselor to church leaders, missionary, and founder of Grace Harbour Ministries, a Bible-based international teaching and discipleship ministry to women. She oversees and teaches needs-based Overcomer classes in her local church, dedicated to helping men and women apply Biblical principles to life situations. Terry is a lover of people in general, and her family in particular. She enjoys good friends, stimulating conversation, writing, photography, and fishing with her husband, Don. ​

“The church should really do something about                .” 

“The church could really use someone who could                .”  

Do those words ring as familiar to you as they do to me? All kinds of things can fill in those blanks. Usually, I whole-heartedly agree when people come to me with those “shoulds” and “coulds.” The Church really should do something about whatever it is, and the Church really could use someone who could do all the things! Our community and church family have so many needs. Ultimately, Jesus is the answer, and thus His Church is the answer. And, how do we actually go about meeting those needs? More specifically, how do I actually go about meeting needs when I feel like I am not enough and that what I offer is not enough? 

But not Jesus. He was driven by compassion and was about to band together with His team and throw down a Miracle Picnic. According to Merriam-Webster¹, Jesus had compassion--“a sympathetic conscious-ness of others' distress, together with a desire to alleviate it.” And He invited the disciples to consider with Him how they could act in compassion to do something for the hungry people.

The disciples were asking, "Where can we get enough bread to meet this enormous need?" Jesus asked, “How many loaves do you have?” (Mark 8:5 NIV) The disciples were looking at the lack; Jesus was looking at the disciples. What do you have? Jesus is saying: Let’s start where we are with what we have. What resources do you have that don’t seem like enough? They had seven loaves and a few small fish. The disciples handed over to Jesus that seemingly insufficient offering. He instructed the throng of thousands to sit on the ground; it was time for a Miracle Picnic! Jesus took that little bit of food, gave thanks to the Father for it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples to feed the people (Mark 8:5-7). 

Verse 8 describes how it turned out: The people--we can safely infer that this includes ALL OF THE PEOPLE--ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. Miracle Picnic indeed--plus leftovers! Won’t He do it?! ​

As my two daughters grew, I read an assortment of parenting books on issues from raising toddlers to teenagers. What about books on issues with our adult children? I know there are some good books out there, but sometimes the struggles with our adult children are more complicated than when they were little. 

The truth is this: As our children get older, we learn to carry them differently. We go from cradling them in our arms to carrying them on our hips to them walking on their own into independence and adulthood. 

As much as I would like to carry and keep my two daughters who are now in their thirties close to my heart and body, it would look really strange to put them in that same baby papoose carrier with their legs dragging on the ground. They would be too heavy. We can't control or fix the things our adult children go through. We can pray and love them and offer advice when asked, but we cannot carry them in the same way we did when they were babies. 

So often, not only with our children, but with many things in life, we try to carry things that are too heavy for us. 

The Bible says in Galatians 6:2 NIV, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Then in the same chapter, in verse 5, ". . .for each one should carry their own load." 

So, which is it? Carry others' burdens or carry our own load?  

Yes. Both and. Between the above two verses, verse 4 says: "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else." 

How can we apply this to our own lives, to raising our children, and to our calling and ministry?  

As an "older person" past the age of sixty, or as I prefer the designation of a "mature person," I have been through many seasons and stages in my life. I have been through a season of miscarriages and unable to have children, through a season of raising children into adulthood, and now a wonderful season of being a grandma. I had a season as a pastor's wife, a season of being on staff at a church, a season of travelling and speaking, and a season of writing and publishing a book. I am now in a season of having more time to invest in my local church and minister to my neighbors. 

Yet, I still struggle with learning the best way to carry others’ burdens.
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I still struggle with comparing myself to others.
  
I still struggle with learning to carry my own load.
  
Rather than saying I am struggling, a more positive way would be to say that I am still learning.
 
This is what I wish I could say to my younger self or to those of you who are in the thick of the middle stages of family and ministry. These are a few things I am still learning:

I am still learning life will always have loss and sorrow often at the very same time that we are experiencing joy in another area. We often carry others’ burdens of loss along with our own load of loss. We compare our loss to others’ loss. Loss will never go away. We have to learn how to carry it. 
  
When I first lost my precious Mother to Alzheimer's disease over two years ago, the weight of the loss was so heavy at first that I could hardly stand the pain. The pain of the loss is not gone, but I am learning better how to carry it. I remind myself of how thankful I am for all the wonderful ways and joys of having my mother for almost sixty years. The pain is still there, but it has been softened. At the same time of the deep sorrow, I have experienced the great joy of having a new baby grandson and watching him grow. 

I am still learning that we are to carry others’ burdens, but we are not necessarily called to carry them through their entire journey. Sometimes we are meant to plant a seed or to water, but we don't always get to see the harvest. We are to minister to those who come across our path each day.  

I am still learning to not compare myself to others as I pass through different seasons. Our callings sometimes look different, and we are not called to please others. We are called to please only the Lord. 
I am still learning that we must ask the Lord for wisdom to know how to carry our own load. We need wisdom to know exactly what is the load we are supposed to carry. Sometimes He asks us to lay the load aside and rest. Sometimes He asks us to divide the load into portions instead of carrying it all at once. Sometimes He asks us to roll the load over to Him. 

I am thankful the Lord continues to lead and teach us how to carry others’ burdens with our own load. 

I am thankful, most of all, when any of it gets too heavy, He promises to be with us and to help us. ​

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7 KJV

¹Gloria and Bill Gaither, "Because He Lives," 1971. 

We have all found ourselves in a place of disappointment. Perhaps someone close really hurt us or a planned event didn’t quite come together as we hoped. In ministry, it’s easy to get disappointed with fellow leaders, congregations, events, students, or even yourself. Most of the time, we can get past it and move on. One of the most difficult struggles is when disappointment finds you and refuses to leave. ​

​As women in ministry, we may feel added pressure, as if under a microscope, by who’s watching us. As leaders, we’re surrounded by people looking to us to set an example in our everyday lives. So, when it comes to disappointment, we must carefully demonstrate a healthy response.  ​

It’s interesting how women in ministry can find themselves in these delicate places. We would never see ourselves living in self-pity or unforgiveness, but here we are, doing just that. The beautiful thing is: we are not alone. God sees our heart and desires to help us. If we can keep a healthy perspective on our situation, we can learn to handle disappointment with finesse and wisdom. There’s nothing wrong with being disappointed if we don’t take up residence there. It’s easy to become distant from God when deep inside you feel he hasn’t come through for you.

The enemy strategizes to convince you that God doesn’t care because your prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted. If Satan can get you focused on yourself, your disappointment, your inconvenience, and your hurt feelings, then, he can begin to make you feel sorry for yourself and get you on that pity-pot. He knows that you can’t be pitiful and powerful at the same time.  ​

Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher that the earth, so are my ways.” In this passage, God reminds us that although we might not understand why certain things or people don’t work out to our expectations, he is still on the throne and in control. He sees things we don’t see. God operates out of time and space, and he sees the beginning as well as the end. 
  
Sometimes we must forgive ourselves. As women in ministry, it’s common to feel outside pressure to be many things to many people. We don’t leave room for imperfection. We set up expectations for ourselves and become disappointed when those aren’t met. We confuse our disappointment with ourselves with God’s view of us, imagining he’s sitting with a club, ready to hit us on the head. As God does with us, we must give ourselves and others grace and mercy. 

The best way to handle disappointment is to embrace a perspective that leaves room for God to work. Romans 8:28 NIV reminds us: “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” We find in 1 Peter 5:6-7 to “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When we choose to handle our disappointments with confidence in God we will see and experience a peace that only God can give through his Holy Spirit. If you are disappointed by not meeting your own set expectations, remember that God’s timing is perfect. Keep him first and trust his leading. As the previous verse stated, “he will lift you up in due time.” 

Women in ministry are a vital part in the kingdom of God. For some, you are your husband’s right hand with encouragement, friendship, support, and leading programs in your church or organization. For women who are single or widowed, you’re working with fellow leaders using a special focus that has a unique perspective of commitment.  
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Disappointment will find you at some point. Regardless of the reason, try not to linger too long in that place, so the enemy doesn’t take you down a path of self-pity. Remember, forgiveness isn’t an occasional act, it’s a constant attitude. Be generous with extending it—especially to yourself. The enemy fears God’s work inside of you and he’ll stop at nothing to lead you down the wrong path. If you’re struggling, pray in a way that leaves room for God to astound you. Let the Holy Spirit work to give you new perspective and vision for the ministry where he’s placed you. 

Growing up most of her life in Springfield, Mo, Tamie experienced much of what the Ozarks had to offer, including a few years at Evangel College.  During that time, she met her now husband in a college Sunday school class. They’ve been married for 36 years. Tamie and her husband, Tim, have been involved with various lay ministries throughout the years while living in his home state of Illinois with their five children, whom she homeschooled. They own a gourmet seasonings company called Crawdad’s Classics, which was purchased from Tamie’s father in 2009. Various entrepreneurial endeavors brought them back to Tamie’s roots of Southwest Missouri in 2016, where her husband became a licensed minister and they took their first pastorate with Mt. Sinai A/G, a small, rural church in Rogersville, Mo.  Tamie is not only a business owner, but also an inspirational speaker and author.  Her most recent book, This Life We Live, is a 31-day devotional with inspiring stories of challenges and triumphs that we all can face. Her six grandchildren are very close to her heart and she can be found many times during the week entertaining them and finding new adventures.   ​

In 2021 God asked me if I would be vulnerable. That was the word and question for me. I was raised in extreme legalism and that word was never used. How do I share my heart in vulnerability? 

Here is just a small portion of my heart that was filled with disobedience for a season. God has healed what I thought was a mistake and as He did, He turned it into a blessing. I want to share with you today a small portion of my story.  

It was an early morning on a fall day when I got up after a season in battle for my life in ICU for twelve days. Before that experience, we had gone through a harsh battle in ministry that was very challenging and hurtful.  
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After a few months out of the hospital and away from the battle of a major church split, on that fall morning, I stood with a list of things to do for the day still on my mind. I turned to my husband and said out of a heart of pain, “I know people can be imperfect because we are all human. I can see how people we pastor can be deceived and cause divisions due to their own blindness. But I am mad!!! I want to know where God is in all of this.”  ​

​Have you ever been through a thing that has rocked you to your core and exposed things in your heart that caused you to question God?  ​

Guest blogger Angelia Crane and her husband Anthony began full-time ministry in 1991 and have been in missions or pastoral ministry for over 25 years. 

In 2006 they established a ministry to rural pastors and their wives called Tour of Life. They provide retreats, helps, refreshing, and connection to ministry leaders. Tour of Life recently built the first phase of a Pastoral Media center/retreat in Ozark, MO.

Tour of Life is partnered with Pastoral Care Inc. For more information, see their Website or Facebook page.